That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize
