hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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