We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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