it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
