Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
