For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize