This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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