I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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