I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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