i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
