hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
