she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
