this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
