Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
