I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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