I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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