Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
