So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
