I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
