Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
