i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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