i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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