so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
