Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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