I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my shit smells like andre
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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