my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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