Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
