Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
