my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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