She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i now understand why vodka
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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