No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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