my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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