I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
