Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She swung at the pinata with crutches
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
