we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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