I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
