So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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