today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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