I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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