she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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