nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
