2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
