Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
