I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
