new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
