I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
