I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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