You're completely useless in the revolution.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
