i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
