I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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