Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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