if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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