Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We got so high we made milksteak
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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