I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
