woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
