I wanna bring you to show and tell
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
