i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i think i have herpe
just one?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
