my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
