if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
