Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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