i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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